2013 May 14


The Ormond Machine

Posted by | Lighthearted, Ormondian | No Comments

As the day of my induction into adulthood rushes towards me, I can’t help but wonder on how I ended up in a place like this. A castle.

As a kid, I guess everyone (no matter how vehemently they deny it today) waited for their Hogwarts letter, wishing that a gargantuan, umbrella-toting bikie would break down the door of their rented lighthouse, punish an abusive sibling with hoggish anatomical attributes, and invite them to live in a magic castle. Read More



Posted by | Ormondian, Review | No Comments

Everyone knows St Kilda for the beach and its laid-back culture. After all, it’s the home of Melbourne’s icons: the Pier and Luna Park, St Kilda Fest and the Espy, and of course, Paul Kelly’s “Sweet Promenade”.

Stepping off the 96 and feeling the tickle of the seaside breeze, it’s easy to think you’ve stepped into a different Melbourne.

Cross St Kilda Road and you’re in a different St Kilda; the twin that’s quirkier, grungier and urban. Some call it hipster and they’re probably right: there’s an excess of buttoned top-buttons, instagrammed photos, and first-hand op-shop clothes. Read More


Porn and Patriarchy

Posted by | Opinion, Ormondian | No Comments

Recently, I’ve dabbled in anti-porn feminism and pro-sex feminism, watched porn in a lecture theatre, witnessed the controversy surrounding Masterchef’s sexism, and enjoyed Four Letter Word’s fantastic production of In The Next Room (or The Vibrator Play). So, I thought I might share some thoughts on sexuality, gender and porn. Read More

Sandwich Review

Posted by | Ormondian, Review | No Comments

The Triple Decker


If you want a sandwich that’s going to fill you up, this is the one you go for. It’s probably got your protein and dairy intake for the day. Or maybe just your fat intake.

What’s in it? Two slices of white bread, a layer of salami, ham, and chicken. All layers are separated by cheese (half melted), and the middle deck is a piece of wholemeal bread, to keep it nutritious. Read More

Sandwich Grill Etiquette

Posted by | Lighthearted, Ormondian | No Comments

…or lack of. This isn’t school sport. This isn’t playing in the backyard with your friends. This isn’t a walk in the park. This is war, son. There’s no such thing as etiquette when it comes to nutrition. There is just you and the prize. What’s the prize? Glory (and a delicious melted cheese, tuna, avocado, mayonnaise and hummus sanger in your sweaty, salty hands), at any cost. Too many poindexters hold back with their pussy HTC sandwiches waiting in line to toast their malnutritious glob of wholemeal flaps. If any of you get in my way I’ll throw an elbow your way. Read More


Luck, a Line, and a Lesson

Posted by | Briefing, Ormondian | No Comments

During an address from the 2013 Young Australian of the Year Akram Azimi, I took away a pretty profound message: it’s only luck that determines our quality of life. He explained that there was no tangible reason he grew up well fed and secure in Afghanistan while young boys his age rummaged through his family’s garbage every night for scraps of food. From his perspective, he was simply lucky to have been born on the fortunate side of his home’s wall. Read More