Agony Aunt

Posted by | April 30, 2013 | Opinion, Ormondian | No Comments
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 Dear Aunt,

We’re pretty lucky here at Ormond to have a fully-catered college. People cook our meals and clean up after us. That means that I can leave a plate with a half-finished meal anywhere around the college and it will just be dealt with. Isn’t that fantastic?

Spoiled Brat

Dear Spoiled Brat,

 

Here’s a simple questionnaire for you.

1. Are you over the age of ten?

2. Did you say something vaguely positive in your Ormond interview, in response to a question about communal living?

3. Have you ever seen flies swarming around a decaying animal?

4. Have you ever thought a garbage truck smelt bad as it drove past?

If you answered yes to ANY of the above questions, I have one final question for you:

5. Why, Why, Why would you EVER think it is okay to leave a plate full of food (or even only partially full of food) in (or near) a crockery bin – those black tubs that are invariably located next to both a bin and a sink???????

If you are one of these people – you juvenile, unweaned, pre-pubescent infant – can you please, for all of the rest of us, explain your insolent, entitled, contemptuous behaviour? Because, frankly I find it repulsive.

Revolting,

Repugnant.

NAY. Repellant.

And I entirely fail to see how you don’t.

Back to the flies and rotting animal carcasses: food rots. It spoils. It ferments. It perishes. It goes off. It’s Year 6 science. It happens quickly, as you may have noticed when you leave a plate in the hallway of a Friday evening and by Monday morning, when it still hasn’t been cleared up (because that lazy Alliance person clearly isn’t doing their job), it has gone a different colour and become noisome.

But perhaps you need further simplification if you did not, after all, attain a Year 6 level of education.

Let’s return instead to those great kindergarten catchphrases.

Remember “LOOK, COVER, WRITE, CHECK;” “NO, GO, TELL;” and “STOP, DROP, ROLL”?

I’ve got a new one for you:

FLIP. DUMP. RINSE. TUB.

FLIP (the lid of the bin open). DUMP (the contents of plate or mug into the bin). RINSE (for approximately one second if a sink is in your vicinity). TUB (place your dirty crockery in a crockery tub).[1]<– footnote

Learn it. Remember it. Say it five times when you get up in the morning.

Because, whatever your justification for leaving crockery around, this is for sure: #somethingisrotten2013 and I want fresh air.

[1] My objections to the entire crockery bin system are extensive, but it is not within the scope of this rant to discuss them.